Thursday, January 28, 2010

Turning a corner.

I'm home. I write it as if it were a recent phenomenon. However, the unbelievable truth (time goes by so quickly) is I've been home for more than a month already.

Home is home. Familiar and warm (although considerably colder in temperature then Benin). It's always a wonderful thing to rediscover old haunts and well-studied faces. Returning to Bucks County is always a good thing.

The question I've been repeatedly asked since returning stateside is, "How long are you here for." My answer, "For now." After several years of mobile living, challenging experiences, and meeting all sorts of people, "For good," would be to anti-climatic an answer. I wish I had a more definitive response. But I don't.

Throughout my time with Mercy Ships (which began in June 2007) I have watched God do amazing things. Every need, spiritual and financial, has been graciously provided for. Amazing people and life-long friends have accompanied each step. I've walked through doors I did not know existed. God's evidence in my life has been amazing. He is good. It sounds cliche but there is no need to reinvent truth.

And now I sit here in my kitchen. Sensing I'm turning a corner. Realizing my heart will always be divided among different geographies, professions, and pockets of friends. I am rendered helpless when I realize there aren't enough parts for the many loves of my heart to harmonize in one melodious symphony. New scores require new instraments, leaving others to a collect dust in a corner. A sad but true reality of life.

We must choose what we love. And where our heart is, our treasure will follow. Passion and apathy, risk and security, love and selfishness, cannot walk together. Our hearts have but one throne. Life will always fight for its possession.

The key to unifying a great diversity of common loves is to sacrifice them all on the alter of Divine Love. To lose the world and gain your soul. To side with Jim Elliot when he said, "He is no fool to lose what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

The surrendered heart will never find rest or security on earth but it will always be home.
And one day, the soul will follow to an unshakable eternity. Until that day, we press on, trusting our Gentle Shepherd to safely guide us.