tension

“Tension is too be loved when it is like a passing note to a beautiful chord.”

Today was a busy day. I feel adequately tired.

Weekends are fun here. They provide a much needed opportunity to leave the confines of our hospital ship and breath some fresh air. Seeing that I am working 6 of the next 7 days I felt it was important to take full advantage of my opportunities to leave the ship.

So I did.

This morning I went to an orphanage. There was 50 kids ranging from 3 months to sixteen. As we walked into the room the children immediately ran to our sides soaking in any physical affection we would give them. I started a huge game of ring around the rosie followed by the clapping game “going on a bear hunt” (except I made a slight substitution- we were hunting for lions).

We sang songs and handed out balloons. I kissed all their faces. African children are just so kissable. I held one little boy, Emmanuel, in my lap for almost and hour. He even passed up an opportunity to receive a hand-crafted balloon sword to sit with me.

When I was a little girl I remember my mom waking me up by rubbing my back. It made me feel safe. There are studies that show the need children have for physical affection. These children crave it. Being at the orphanage made me want to get my NP so I could start my own orphanage. One of the ten master plans I have for my life at the moment.

One of my roommates is leaving on Monday. Michelle B. It will be very sad to see her leave. When I first got here, I was told there were two words you needed to get used to at Mercy Ships, hello and goodbye. I am not so keen on all these goodbyes. And this is just the beginning. It was also I a friend’s birthday. In honor of them we went out for ice cream.
But I am trying to stay away from junk food. Today I was having a “I-am-eating-to-much-bread-here-and feeling-very-bloated” kind of days. At home I am constantly reminded that I am not a size two. It always kind of bothers me, makes me feel a little insecure, makes me think I should skip dessert. In Liberia I don’t have those reminders. There are no full length mirrors. I basically only ever know what my face looks life. The women here have figures. And it’s acceptable.

However, today I meandered on gap.com (just to see what is in style) and I felt the size 2 pressure. So I skipped dessert tonight.

My mind cannot grasp the dichotomy of ship life. Here I am worried about gaining a few pounds while I am surrounded by malnourished children.
There is so much tension in this experience. The tension of living in a western bubble in a third world country. The tension of living and working with people of all ages and walks of life from over 40 countries. The tension of giving what you have while gaining what you need. The tension of missing home while loving where your at.

But tension is not a bad thing. I just wish my mind could grasp the concept of my experiences. I’m going to bed.