to be

"We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the center: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision." C.S. Lewis

This was a busy week too. Too busy really. Stress and tiredness make me miss my family and reaffirm the value I place on enjoying someone's conversation over a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

Several of my good friends and I are leaving in June and we are all praying the same, "Dear Lord, what the heck should I do with my life prayer." Not necessarily a prayer of doubt of fear, but rather an open and honest dialog. The world is a rather large oyster.

Michelle, my bunkmate, put a poll on her blog, asking what she should do now. Currently, the results seem to be sending her on an adventure to Alaska, this choice is followed by a close second adopting a Liberian child.

Today I thought it might be a good idea to work at Starbucks, to which Michelle answered,"Don't say that..I don't want any more ideas. I might want to do that too."

Too bad her poll is already in process.

My severe interest ADD makes me really want to do everything, but I am beginning to realize more and more the importance of knowing yourself and knowing what you value so that you can delineate the proper boundaries of devoting time to work, time with family, time with friends, and investing in spiritual health.

I found a quote in my Bible today from Dave Cummings that said,

"Everything in my life can fall apart, but as long as I have peace with Christ, I can go anywhere, or do anything, or be anyone."

At a first glance it might appear to be a plea to save the world. To be a hero. TO do something loud. But I would rather think of it as a challenge to be no one. TO learn contentment. To show love that goes unnoticed.

We are all only two or three generations from extinction. There are very few men and women throughout the billions of people in time that have walked the planet whose names we actually remember. Very few.

I think often of my Poppop, who died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 62. He was a quiet, humble soft spoken man who worked hard, loved the Lord, and loved his family. He was married to the same woman for over 40 years. He was the first Christian in a Mormon family. He didn't preach any sermons but faithfully lead a home fellowship every Thursday night in his home. He had times of success and times of failure, but there was a steadiness in his character that always remained unrifled. In high school I played softball and was in the paper alot. My Poppop was always so proud. I still have a box full of newspaper clippings from the multiple papers he would by every time my name was even lightly mentioned.

He died on a Thursday night. Most Wednesday nights he worked in the tape library at my church. The last time I talked to him was when I was (of course) running late for the service. I remember stopping to say hello, telling him how crazy nursing school was, making plans to eat dinner soon with him and my Nana, and leaving with a kiss on the cheek.
At his service they played a slideshow to the Nicole Nordamen song "Legacy".
The chorus says,

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I will never forget looking back at the two rows that contained our family as the song played and seeing all 14 grandchildren, four children, four son and daughter in laws, and one wife; all crying; all sad he was gone.

I think that's the finale everyone hopes for when they die.

I'm really rather boring. I like watching sunsets. I like sitting on my couch on Saturday mornings, drinking coffee, and talking to my parents. I like playing guitar and singing with my brothers. I like craft day's with Veronica. I like laughing hard with my hysterical friends.
But I think that living is rather simple; we love Christ and we love others.

Even if in my lifetime I was able to do all the most important things, and meet all the most important people, and "be someone great", there is very little chance that my name would even be recognized in 100 years.

So none of that will ever be my goal.

In the future I hope to watch more sunsets, too drink more coffee with my parents, to sing more with my brothers, and to create an endless array of bags and necklaces with my best friend Veronica. All the while hoping to learn the words in Paul's letter to the Ephesians

"Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savor."