Wednesday, May 21, 2008

in the beginning

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

It's hard to believe but I am leaving the ship in less than three years. Two years of intense googling and dissatisfaction on some level have resulted in a year spent aboard a floating hospital ship on the coast of West Africa. Through God's grace, I have left my very free-spirited-laid back and predominantly non-structured home and church environment and have somehow manged to live in the often necessarily rigidly delineated and completely structured ship environment. And I'm even going to come back.

I like gradual transitions. When I am enthralled by something I only know how to give it everything to it. All or nothing pretty much all the time. I have regularly been told that it might be beneficial to adopt the word "moderation" into my vocabulary. Because of this tendency I find processing and pondering the experiences of the day important, especially when they involve a change.

I am starting to let by brain disengage itself here. Slowly, but healthily. The Lord always moves forward to what's next. There is so much to think about. So many experience's to process.

It's funny how we find our security in our surroundings. We build our towers in the sand and think the will hold us when the tide comes in. But they are always washed away.

I have lived on a ship for a year. There is a long list of daily things that an outsider would find completely bizarre that I now subconsciously accept as the way things were meant to be. As much as I am so excited to see my family and friends at home, to drink Dunkin Donuts Iced coffee and walk through the grass in my bare feet, it's strange to think of the normalcy I have built in my heart and in my head being washed away. The tide of change is coming in as it always does.

Last week I was sitting outside night (one of the only quite times on the ship) and realized that this August I will celebrate my ninth anniversary of knowing Jesus. I clearly remember the beginning. When I first looked up at the sky and realized God had formed it and made it beautiful because He loves me. When He first spoke truth to my heart through His Word. When I realized that I wasn't alone and never would be. When I realized I was His daughter and His beloved. I remember the transforming Joy that entered my heart. And none of it was of my own accord. I didn't find Him; He found me.

Hosea 2:13-15
She decked herself with her earrings and jewels, and she went after her lovers, and forgot me, saith the Lord. Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her. And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there as in the days of her youth.

On Saturday I had a rather significant scare. In the morning I tried to turn on my laptop only to find it completely unresponsive. Oh the panic. Fortunately, my friend and IT hero Josh was able to quite simply solve my problem, thus saving me from the pain of losing a beloved friend and companion. To celebrate the fact that I still had my photos and music, I made a few purchases on I tunes. I bought Jon Foreman's newest EP "Spring" and the beautiful song, "Your Love is strong."

As I thought beginnings today, I thought about the strength of His Love throughout time and eternity.

Genesis 1:1
In the beginning GOd created the heaven and the earth.

He created a beautiful world for us to enjoy. He painted the skies; He delicately formed flowers; He encoded DNA strands. Science is simply discovering God's intelligence. Art is simply mimicking His creativity. He is the Author of it all.

Matthew 26:39
O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.

As He began His Crucifixion His heart was broken. He didn't want to die on the cross. But His great love for us compelled Him to obey His heavenly Father.

Mark 16:9
Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom He had cast seven devils.

His gentle heart was always reaching out to even the most unloved; even the most despised; to those that the world would judge and mock. He always saw His children; not their sins.

His love is so strong for so many different reasons. Strength is not linear. My soul can rest there.

TO know that I have done nothing to deserve anything I have been given. To know that He will completed the work that He has started. To know He only wants me to be his daughter. TO know that I am simply called to follow Him and nothing else. There is rest.

I pray that I will never find my security or my dreams or my goals in the towers of sand I so frequently build. Let them all be washed away, that my only security, my only hope, my only desire, my dream, would simply be Jesus.

Let all other sufficiency disappear.

No comments: