Monday, June 2, 2008

spinning and swirling

Things are happening which make my in one week departure date feel very real.

For example, today my moderately long list of disembarkation forms were neatly sticky tacked to my door. I also had the opportunity to have a debriefing session with our lovely chaplain, Anne.

At this time next week I won't be sitting in the back of my six berth cabin typing and thinking. I'll be receiving my final views of Liberia through a plane window.

Weird. Great. Exciting. Terrifying. My emotions sometimes waver.

This has been a great year. It has not been perfect. I've been frustrated. I been euphoric. I've felt mistreated. I've felt loved.

To be human.

I'm excited about going home. Healthily excited. I'm excited to see what is next and life feels quite unscripted at the moment, which feels adventurous and mildly terrifying all in one.

But God is always faithful and in Him lies security, regardless of what the future may or may not hold. The faithfulness of God has always been possibly my favorite of His attributes. Truly, He has never forsaken or forgotten me, He has been a strong tower in the midst of chaos, strength in weakness, a friend in the desert of loneliness. And He never changes.

Matthew 28:20
I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.

It is going to take a quite few long days alone in Tyler Park for me to process the experiences I've had here. They have been many. My head is currently spinning as I try to come up with an ending to my newspaper column. To try and find a shiny piece of sand amidst the shore of experience is a bit of a daunting task. At least to me.

I feel quite strongly that I will go through Liberian child withdrawal very shortly. The kids here are so lovely. I have absolutely loved and enjoyed being involved in the patients lives. For all the parts of being here I have not particularly enjoyed, they are tolerable if for no other reason than the work that is being don in the ward is simply amazing. People's lives are being touched and changed in a beautiful way buy the power and grace of God. As I nurse I have literally gotten to be the hands of love that touch the out casted in needy.

I really think touch is so powerful. I am reading through the gospels and love seeing how Jesus so often touched those He ministered too. Touch is soothing. It can convey in a gently powerful way a very endearing type of love. I have loved rubbing the patients backs, holding their hands, kissing their foreheads, and snuggling with the babies. It feels quite caring and nurturing.

As I continue to process, ponder, and mentally transition, I think my head will probably just keep spinning and swirling. Or maybe it won't. I'll just wait and see.

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